revamping the lullaby

This is my story.  I don't usually do rewrites or make apologies for my work.  This Hubris got me in trouble.  In a discussion with a colleague ,who did a minimalist rewrite of this piece,  and I defended the original.

And then I noticed that he used the word "electric" twice.  I hate that so...

For Stevie and my own piece of mind, this is MY rewrite.  The first draft is still posted, please ignore it.

While listening to Lullaby by the Cure

Hung out to dry on

Ironic crucifixes

built on heart break and

heart attack dalliances

condemned thoughts

The caress of lost hands

On electric archetype emotions

poorly designated blame

Another death row comedian

Gallowsed and catalogued

Names in wax and vinyl

Resembling headstones and

Mile markers

lost songs on a

road too often traveled

hands at 10 and 2

She never let them see her cry

never admits she can

winds her watch for

independence

grips the wheel

closes her eys

and sings along with the radio