Wednesday, August 6, 2014

revamping the lullaby

This is my story.  I don't usually do rewrites or make apologies for my work.  This Hubris got me in trouble.  In a discussion with a colleague ,who did a minimalist rewrite of this piece,  and I defended the original.

And then I noticed that he used the word "electric" twice.  I hate that so...

For Stevie and my own piece of mind, this is MY rewrite.  The first draft is still posted, please ignore it.

While listening to Lullaby by the Cure

Hung out to dry on
Ironic crucifixes
built on heart break and

heart attack dalliances
condemned thoughts

The caress of lost hands
On electric archetype emotions
poorly designated blame
Another death row comedian
Gallowsed and catalogued

Names in wax and vinyl
Resembling headstones and
Mile markers

lost songs on a
road too often traveled

hands at 10 and 2
She never let them see her cry
never admits she can

winds her watch for
grips the wheel
closes her eys
and sings along with the radio

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