There has been a Demon at my door. Not a large Demon, more of a demonette. His desire is to burn my house down, to scorch the earth where I stand. I've let it bother me. I've let it interfere with the work and the words. This is pretty much the same as scorching the earth. The landscape of my head has been so befuddled by this that I feel a bit disconnected.
I am a comic book dork.
Don't worry, it's not contagious. I mention it because, people like me have an oddly skewed view of the Universe. You'd think it would be black and white, but really...not so much. The best villains in the world of Comics are the ones who don't believe they're evil. Deep down they believe that what they do is for the betterment of their portion of society or society as a whole. It's fun to read about such characters and to crawl inside their psychosis for a few pages. You really try to figure out what makes them tick.
Maybe it's the writer in me that needs to find these motivations.
Outside of the four color world of Comics. In the real world, these same character traits make for some of the most horrid people on the planet. On large scales(like WWII) the body count is preposterously high. This is what happens when twisted minds think they can save the world. On small scales, without armies and weapons, villains resort to bullying and name calling. They twist facts into a version where they are the victims, and everyone else is the bad guy. As in the comics, the villain does not see his name calling and bullying as wrong or evil. He is trying to protect his vision of the Universe.
The behavior is inexcusable, but I understand where it comes from.
This brings us back to the demonette that's knocking on my door and trying to scorch the earth of my presence. he feels wronged or threatened in some way. Not my intention...Never my intention, but yet it happens.
I also don't think I've done anything wrong, which in someone's eyes makes me a villain. The things I've done seem to serve portions of a neglected community, and have been instituted at the suggestions of other people. I am also not a hero. I don't want to be a hero.
I am a poetry loving geek, and a guy who writes, that's all I ever intended. I'm trying to help make a community where it's safe to be those things. A place where ideas can be shared.
I may, at some point, be labeled a villain. Perhaps my feeling bad about it lends me some saving grace, but you can't bestow that on yourself.
In the long run...it's silly to let the opinions of a howling demonette change how you do whatever it is you do. It saddens me that we can't all get along. It saddens me that moving forward seems to be seen as a criminal act.
For the record:
I don't want to be king of the hill, and I don't want to be Humpty-Dumpty. I just want to read and write and talk about poetry